Friday 22nd June 2012
This morning at 4:15 I left my home to start my journey to the airport, to see my lovely man.

So; why am I here in my bed with a cup of tea and a box of jaffa cakes? Because I slipped on a wet step and broke my wrist.I'm so gutted and I realise how difficult it is to lose the use of a hand.

It was a second, I knew I had fallen and the pain was horrific but for a few seconds you tell yourself; "get up T, you have to get to the airport and catch your flight, you can hack this, it will pass" but then; you look at the  limb and know the distortion clearly evident means you are going no-where.

I lay there screaming in pain shouting for help and bless them all, neighbours came to my rescue. I'm so sorry to have disturbed their sleep but oh so grateful. They got me blankets, cushion for my head and stayed with me until the ambulance came.  Thank you so much.

I guess what followed was the norm, paramedics came, assessed the situation, put me in the back of their pick up truck, and thankfully gave me morphine; 3 shots apparently. I know my bp lowered and I kind of passed out, you know when you can hear everything but can't hear yourself breathing? just that kind. I heard the heart monitor beep beep then beep....beep....beeeeep then I heard myself exhale deeply felt as though I was smiling and opened my eyes to the driver standing beside me with 2 black paddles in his hands. All I thought was, "how and why is he standing there, he was driving the ambulance just now"

Prior to this they had to remove my mac (my fav ever GAP mac that I've had years) but the pain was awful. "We may have to cut it off to get it over your wrist"

"Yeah that's fine just do it,

"Wait, may be able to do it"

"Just cut it, the pain's too bad"

"Are you sure?"

"It's just a fucking coat, cut it please!!"

Hence followed the morphine and passing out.

So they took me to hospital, passed over the situation and went about their day to the next caller.

"Thank you for your help, sorry for swearing"

You're welcome, take care"

So, next step. Into a cubicle, doctor speaks, down to x ray;( now that was painful because they twist your arm to get a clear pic) and back to the doc again. To be honest I was pretty knackered and drowsy; would have been quite happy if they had just closed the curtain and put me to sleep for the afternoon.

Good looking doc, early thirties, dark hair, kind eyes, nice voice and hands.

"Nasty break, you are going to need it pinning, the bit of bone between your wrist and hand (apparently named the cup and saucer) is sitting on the side of your wrist, and your wrist is broken in 3 places, you have also compressed all the bones in your hand"

"I don't want it pinning, I wont get the use back and I'll be deformed" (drama queen)

"We'll manipulate it then review it in a few days"

So off we go again, this time the plaster room.

There were two student nurses there, chatting to each other, obviously hadn't received their patient care training yet; the plasterer, doc and another nurse.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes thanks"

"She's a bit quiet"

"She's had 3 shots of morphine"

"Oh, no wonder"

The good looking doc then injected a cocktail "this is the equivalent of 5 gin & tonics, you'll feel great" another injection into my broken arm ( again the f word raised it's head) and he was right, I didn't feel a thing.

I was vaguely aware of the plasterer pulling my forearm and the doc shaking and pulling my hand vigorously but it didn't matter, I felt no pain. I heard someone say " Is she ok?" "It's her first time" poor student nurse, then I felt a cold wet slap on my arm and that was it, back in the cubicle where I seemed to doze for ages with a oxygen mask that I was chastised for removing because apparently my oxygen levels were too low and I couldn't leave until they were 100%. 

I asked if I could go home eventually, was told I would have to go to the fracture clinic next door to make my appointment for the following day. "where is that?" "Just go out the main building and it's the next building".

So, I take my luggage, hospital bag with my mac,(why oh why did I take my luggage?did I really think I was going to the airport afterwards?) and go to the fracture clinic when all I want to do is go home. I gave the receptionist my letter, "Monday, next appointment". "They said tomorrow, I can't come here Monday" (that's my birthday and I really don't want to spend it sitting in a fracture clinic when I should be in another country with my gorgeous man) "take a seat and I'll see if the consultant can see you today, go and sit in zone 1.

I sat in zone 2 because there were less people, by this time tears are rolling down my face, I'm totally exhausted, feel sick, immensely sorry for myself (my life is over, I'm going to be deformed forever, like I said, drama queen) Yes Boo. There's a handcuffed prisoner with two officers sitting opposite all looking at me. 

After maybe 20 minutes I went back to the reception ( new receptionist)

"Excuse me,I'm waiting to see if I'm being seen today"

"Do you have a appointment?"

"No, I was sent from A&E"

"Well if you haven't got a appointment you wont be seen, do you have your notes?"

"No, I gave them to the guy and he told me to sit"

I'm crying again, like a stupid fool. I just want to go home and get into bed.

"Oh yes, you have an appointment at 11"

So I've got 15 minutes to get a bottle of water before I pass out again. I went to the cafe bought a bottle of water and cried again because I couldn't even open it. The lady came from behind the counter sat me down and opened it for me. I'm in such pain and so exhausted, this is hour seven since I fell this morning at 4:15 and I just want to get out of here. 

I see the next consultant, fair, rugby player type, caring nature, soulful eyes.

"Your wrist has been manipulated and they've done a pretty good job but we will need to put a plate in because it's very unlikely it will hold"

Again I go down the cripple route and ask if there's anyway I can avoid having it pinned. He goes off to discuss with his boss and returns with the same news.

"I'm going to give you a prescription for painkillers"

"can I get them from the chemist near me?"

"no, you need to go to the hospital pharmacy, out of here, into the main building, up the ramp, past greggs (the bakers) take a left, up to the next floor..... by this time I've stopped listening.

"I just need to get out of this place and go home"

 " you look exhausted"

"I am, I'm knackered" So I call a cab and leave. Hence jaffa cakes and tea until Wednesday for the next installment.