The end and the beginning

Well, what can I say. The final day of the year is here and most are thinking about getting out of work early getting their glad rags on and partying the new year in with friends and family.

I myself have surfaced from my bed today after the last 3 spent feeling like crap. I have a pot of veggie soup brewing in the kitchen, switching between chat on fb and here ,and am thankful to be feeling greatly improved on Wednesday, when I was hobbling like a 90 year old woman with pneumonia (nothing like feeling sorry for yourself!).

So, jeez time; how does life pass by so quickly? I find myself watching young people and thinking " I was once their age, and one day they will be in my place saying the same thing, and I will be dead. Don't think I feel sorry for myself, I don't, It's just fact.

My head is all over the place today. I seem to be in the past present and future all in the same breath, not quite sure what I want to say if indeed I want to say anything at all..

So, where was I?

Veggie soup to my right, chicken for Pixie, Anthony David singing in my ear, candles on the coffee table and lights on the tree. I guess I'll be thinking about taking it down next week and putting everything back in boxes for another year.

Tip for your soups: keep your parmesan rinds and throw them into the pot with your soups, so good..

What do you want for your life?

I never make resolutions because I am such a " In the moment" person. I hate planning ahead because it depends how I feel at that moment but I did lay in bed this morning and decide that I really do intend to take control of MY life again. I seem to have been on a road to no-where for too long waiting for life to find me and find me it wont. Why do we fall into that stooopid mind set of " something wonderful will turn up" when we hide under a bush? Duh!!!

I also intend to be in a relationship 2011 with one guy, yes; just one guy. I seem to meet the guy who has a gf but " I love being with you, because I'm so relaxed with you" but still has his girl. Well you know what? I'm ready for a relationship now with someone who loves and adores me, no-one else.

Nice soup by the way.

You know how you get to the end of another year and you feel that you should have a profound moment? Well, alas, I don't. Hahahaha...
This isn't finished; don't think you've got rid of me so easily, I'll be back later to talk some more nonsence.. You know what? I have no idea what the time is and it pleases me. When I don't have work I don't care for time...
For those of you that have seen in 2011, Happy New Year, for those of you still waiting; have a good one.

Hey, how are you? Who me?
Well, we do appear to be the only ones in the room, unless of course you want to include Miu Miu (cat). Actually, where's Pix?
I don't know, she hasn't been home in 2 days. I'm getting really worried about her. You know Pixie, she's out all day and night but she comes home to eat and sleep at least.
Hmmm, concerning. Been out to look for her?
Don't be bloody stooopid, of course I have. I look like an idiot shouting " Pix, Pixie, come on baba" but hey, it has to be done.
Tried the pond?
Yep! Bushes, pond, field, trees even. You know how much time she spends up that Chestnut tree chasing squirrels but no, nothing.
Don't know what else to say, hope she turns up soon.
Ditto.

I'm a selfish f***er and we both know that. I've got a lot on my plate and I want to be left alone.
That's fine, you just needed to say. There was no need to watch from the window with your mates and ignore me ringing the bell or calling your phone. I am not a mind reader and do not wish to be treated so badly.
The blatant disregard for me and my feelings as a person is what hurts. I am always there to pick you up when you fall, over and over, yet truth is hard for you and for some reason you find it easier to be mean...
You: I'll pop round yours this eve
Me: No, not a good idea to come to mine
You: Why isn't it?
Me: It just isn't
You: I've got to go out, I'll pop to yours tomorrow
Me: I wont be home tomorrow. Sorry.

Hello. It's 22:29 here in the U.K and I am debating whether to go to bed as I have to be up at 6am and I hate getting out of bed. I mean, I'm not grumpy in the morning (in fact, I am rarely grumpy) but I love my bed and if I could have my bed in the lounge rather than a sofa I would. It's my favourite place. What's yours?
Today. What did you do with your time?
I never wear a watch on my day off as I refuse to be concerned with time so I chilled till late in the morning, showered, ate crisps for breakfast (potato chips) cleaned up a little, went for a walk then picked my daughter up from work (only to bring her home, wait while she packed a overnight bag then drop her at the train station). I would like to tell you my day was more exciting but that would be untrue so I wont.
Do you think maybe we all experience loneliness at some point in our lives?
Do you think it is an awareness that makes us more determined?
More determined to?
To get off our butts and get out there?
I think it is so easy to become mundane and a point is reached when it's time for change. The question is; How to change things?
Sometimes I wish I could pack a bag, get in my car, get the channel tunnel to France and drive around Europe for around 6 months or until I felt like coming back. Unfortunately life is never so simple.
Please don't read this and think I'm miserable; I'm not. I'm just thinking out loud.

Well hello,
this is my second blog page coz I'm stoopid and deleted my previous. Ah, what the heck, here I am back again.
So, Farm shops:
How many of you use them? I went to the farm shop this afternoon and bought fresh farm eggs, home grown onions, tomatoes and purple sprouting all for the grand sum of; I think £3.50.
Why wouldn't you use your local farmer where produce is fresh and local? I love going to my local butcher who will cut anything for you and farmers alike all need support from their local community. So do yourself a favour, find your local farm shop and try to buy from them rather than pre- packed supermarkets. Now I'm not pretending that I don't use "the giants" of course I do, It's convenient but you know what; I really am making a effort to visit the farm shop weekly and not buy my veg elsewhere.
You know what was great about it? I walked in to this little hut and a note on the counter said "Just in the field, beep your horn for service and I wont be long"
True enough he wasn't. This great little guy with a smile and weathered skin already sunkissed.
Try it, you'll love it and farmers alike will benefit.