Billy

I just spoke to my uncle Billy who lives in Southern Spain. We skype as often as we can catch each other, maybe weekly, maybe longer.
He's such a dude and I adore him.We found each other late in life, kind of how it is with families. Everyone gets on with living and we all catch up at funerals. Shit but reality of many families.
So; what do I love about him?
 Honestly if you met the guy you would fall in love. He's in his prime and so active. He's always running off to swim, golf, gym, bike, dive, ski. HE'S BLOODY BRILLIANT!
He's so astute, gives the best advice and last year when he gave me relationship advice, I realised that was the only time in my entire life that a man as near to a father figure had ever given me advice. It made me cry when I realised.
He's so handsome and such a geezer. No time for idiots and woe betide anyone that hurts people he cares about.
I would like to say I hope I'm just like you someday but that will never happen, he's way out of my league. xxxxx

 Saturday 30th June 2012


Good morning; yes I know the font has changed but I figured as I'm using my left hand now....
So, update?
I went back to the fracture clinic on wednesday, had a new cast ( I chose the colour purple) and had a new xray. The good news is I really didn't want it pinned, not because of the scar factor, I'm not vain enough to be bothered by that; but for the time factor in healing. So the doc says;
 "we're not going to pin it, it could be in a better place but it's acceptable. Are you a musician or athlete?"
"No,I work in retail. Why, are you telling me that if I played the violin you would pin it, but because I work in a shop you won't?"
"Well, not exactly but if you used your hand we would want you to have maximum mobility"
"And I don't need maximum because I work in a shop?"  He looked slightly uncomfortable.
"Look; will my wrist look like this one" (my left)
"Yes"
"Will I be able to move it just as this one?"
"Yes"
I should have told him I'm a writer and photographer....
I met a lovely lady in the waiting area. I sat in the physiotherapy area rather than "zone 2" and she was sitting next to me. We never exchanged names, it wasn't necessary. She was very slight, early 60's blonde bob, very simple and classy lady. She had a mastectomy circa 8 years ago. She met her partner maybe 12 months before her diagnosis and lost her son 5 years ago. He was 33 and had a seizure alone at home which still pains her. We talked about angels. She believes he is with her often and white feathers have fallen at her feet on 3 occasions. I told her there are earth angels that will come into her life just at the moment they are needed.She was hoping to get in and out because it was her grandaughter's sports day. I hope she made it.
So, off I go for another follow up next Wednesday and I am hoping I  don't need to go back for 2 weeks so I can catch my flight to see my very lovely man.
When you break a limb, you really don't realise the implications of performing daily routines.
I realised that to shower would be difficult, so kinda half showered standing on the bath mat, realised I can actually have a bath, which is far easier than showering, and it's so nice to be relaxed in the warm water.
Getting dressed is time consuming so I'm currently in tracky bottoms and t.shirt. Even as much as, you put your left arm through then realise you have to put your right through first, and putting on a bra; Oh my god, how difficult. You have to lay it beneath you, bring it over your waist, hold it in place with the cast, bring the other side over, struggle to hook it then stand up, manouvere it around and hoist in your boobs, Phew, then sit down exhausted!!
I figured I'll eat toast, easy, no hassle; you think!! I toasted my bread, had the spread, knife in my left hand and then thought; "hmm, how am I going to hold my toast to butter it" So now I'm on cereal.
Sleep has been  very hit and miss for the whole week now. The constant brick weighing on you is so uncomfortable, and I'm really hoping that resolves itself because I look like shit far more than I feel like it.
I'm signed off for 6 weeks and so far I haven't been able to leave my home and not being able to drive limits me completely.
All in all I'm ok. This happened and I'll get over it.
As my Boo said "Babe, it's another hurdle and we'll get past it"
See you soon.

Friday 22nd June 2012
This morning at 4:15 I left my home to start my journey to the airport, to see my lovely man.

So; why am I here in my bed with a cup of tea and a box of jaffa cakes? Because I slipped on a wet step and broke my wrist.I'm so gutted and I realise how difficult it is to lose the use of a hand.

It was a second, I knew I had fallen and the pain was horrific but for a few seconds you tell yourself; "get up T, you have to get to the airport and catch your flight, you can hack this, it will pass" but then; you look at the  limb and know the distortion clearly evident means you are going no-where.

I lay there screaming in pain shouting for help and bless them all, neighbours came to my rescue. I'm so sorry to have disturbed their sleep but oh so grateful. They got me blankets, cushion for my head and stayed with me until the ambulance came.  Thank you so much.

I guess what followed was the norm, paramedics came, assessed the situation, put me in the back of their pick up truck, and thankfully gave me morphine; 3 shots apparently. I know my bp lowered and I kind of passed out, you know when you can hear everything but can't hear yourself breathing? just that kind. I heard the heart monitor beep beep then beep....beep....beeeeep then I heard myself exhale deeply felt as though I was smiling and opened my eyes to the driver standing beside me with 2 black paddles in his hands. All I thought was, "how and why is he standing there, he was driving the ambulance just now"

Prior to this they had to remove my mac (my fav ever GAP mac that I've had years) but the pain was awful. "We may have to cut it off to get it over your wrist"

"Yeah that's fine just do it,

"Wait, may be able to do it"

"Just cut it, the pain's too bad"

"Are you sure?"

"It's just a fucking coat, cut it please!!"

Hence followed the morphine and passing out.

So they took me to hospital, passed over the situation and went about their day to the next caller.

"Thank you for your help, sorry for swearing"

You're welcome, take care"

So, next step. Into a cubicle, doctor speaks, down to x ray;( now that was painful because they twist your arm to get a clear pic) and back to the doc again. To be honest I was pretty knackered and drowsy; would have been quite happy if they had just closed the curtain and put me to sleep for the afternoon.

Good looking doc, early thirties, dark hair, kind eyes, nice voice and hands.

"Nasty break, you are going to need it pinning, the bit of bone between your wrist and hand (apparently named the cup and saucer) is sitting on the side of your wrist, and your wrist is broken in 3 places, you have also compressed all the bones in your hand"

"I don't want it pinning, I wont get the use back and I'll be deformed" (drama queen)

"We'll manipulate it then review it in a few days"

So off we go again, this time the plaster room.

There were two student nurses there, chatting to each other, obviously hadn't received their patient care training yet; the plasterer, doc and another nurse.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes thanks"

"She's a bit quiet"

"She's had 3 shots of morphine"

"Oh, no wonder"

The good looking doc then injected a cocktail "this is the equivalent of 5 gin & tonics, you'll feel great" another injection into my broken arm ( again the f word raised it's head) and he was right, I didn't feel a thing.

I was vaguely aware of the plasterer pulling my forearm and the doc shaking and pulling my hand vigorously but it didn't matter, I felt no pain. I heard someone say " Is she ok?" "It's her first time" poor student nurse, then I felt a cold wet slap on my arm and that was it, back in the cubicle where I seemed to doze for ages with a oxygen mask that I was chastised for removing because apparently my oxygen levels were too low and I couldn't leave until they were 100%. 

I asked if I could go home eventually, was told I would have to go to the fracture clinic next door to make my appointment for the following day. "where is that?" "Just go out the main building and it's the next building".

So, I take my luggage, hospital bag with my mac,(why oh why did I take my luggage?did I really think I was going to the airport afterwards?) and go to the fracture clinic when all I want to do is go home. I gave the receptionist my letter, "Monday, next appointment". "They said tomorrow, I can't come here Monday" (that's my birthday and I really don't want to spend it sitting in a fracture clinic when I should be in another country with my gorgeous man) "take a seat and I'll see if the consultant can see you today, go and sit in zone 1.

I sat in zone 2 because there were less people, by this time tears are rolling down my face, I'm totally exhausted, feel sick, immensely sorry for myself (my life is over, I'm going to be deformed forever, like I said, drama queen) Yes Boo. There's a handcuffed prisoner with two officers sitting opposite all looking at me. 

After maybe 20 minutes I went back to the reception ( new receptionist)

"Excuse me,I'm waiting to see if I'm being seen today"

"Do you have a appointment?"

"No, I was sent from A&E"

"Well if you haven't got a appointment you wont be seen, do you have your notes?"

"No, I gave them to the guy and he told me to sit"

I'm crying again, like a stupid fool. I just want to go home and get into bed.

"Oh yes, you have an appointment at 11"

So I've got 15 minutes to get a bottle of water before I pass out again. I went to the cafe bought a bottle of water and cried again because I couldn't even open it. The lady came from behind the counter sat me down and opened it for me. I'm in such pain and so exhausted, this is hour seven since I fell this morning at 4:15 and I just want to get out of here. 

I see the next consultant, fair, rugby player type, caring nature, soulful eyes.

"Your wrist has been manipulated and they've done a pretty good job but we will need to put a plate in because it's very unlikely it will hold"

Again I go down the cripple route and ask if there's anyway I can avoid having it pinned. He goes off to discuss with his boss and returns with the same news.

"I'm going to give you a prescription for painkillers"

"can I get them from the chemist near me?"

"no, you need to go to the hospital pharmacy, out of here, into the main building, up the ramp, past greggs (the bakers) take a left, up to the next floor..... by this time I've stopped listening.

"I just need to get out of this place and go home"

 " you look exhausted"

"I am, I'm knackered" So I call a cab and leave. Hence jaffa cakes and tea until Wednesday for the next installment.

Sunday

Morning all, just about to jump out of this bed and get on with my day. The laptop is beside me but, oh the joys of the iPhone.
My cat Pixie is snuggled beside me and miu miu has just used the bathroom just as she does every morning. I can hear her in there scratching away, I have no idea why she decided that the bath was her favourite place to poo but it is. Crazy cat.
Really need a cup of coffee and a wee.
You know when you hang on for so long in bed but your time is up? Well I'm there.
I really need to go shopping but Steve Laming plays 12-2
www.afro-disiac.co.uk and he plays great stuff, house, jazz funk, rare grooves, great Sunday lunchtime, so I need to get a move on or head to town after. Yeah, maybe after.

Five Bells

Here at Colne Engaite in Essex with my mother and sis Maria for lunch. The pub is in a quaint little village with a fab dummy of the queen in the phone box outside. I have the sirloin medium rare, mum rare and they are cooked perfectly. Maria has the chicken with pea and bean risotto which is so nice; risotto creamy, beans still got a bite and the Parmesan basket filled with salad is pretty but totally unnecessary, I would prefer fresh over my risotto.
The chips are freshly made but a minute more for a golden finish would be great.
The pub is more than 500 years old and lists all the landlords from times gone by. I'm not so impressed by the decor but the food is all freshly cooked to order, the service is very friendly, and worth the drive to get here.

Today.

Arrived afer a 3 hour journey from the Midlands to the east coast of Essex to catch the sun set and capture some pics.
Anyway, it's 20:06 4/6/12 and I'm sitting on shingle with the tide out and distant birdsong. There are a couple walking who sat behind me for circa 10 minutes; everytime she laughed she snorted like a pig, her fella even called her piggy, weird laugh...
It's just getting a bit chilly but I have a hoody on so I'll be fine.
I'm going to see if my friend is home before I head back to the town; the last time I saw her we buried her gorgeous mumsie. It was a sad but very loving day. I will try to get to the cemetary tomorrow before I head home just to sit and talk with her. Not something I usually do; in fact I never visit people that have passed, but she's kind of calling to me to sit with her for a while. Miss you.xx
It's so peaceful here, if I died right here, right now I actually wouldn't mind.
The sun is starting to go down so I guess I will have to go soon. I thought I may pick up a connection but alas not so I'm writing a note which I will paste to my blog later.
I'm getting a little cold now,my hands and arse; shingles are not the comfiest of places to park yourself, so I'm going to pack up and head off for a cuppa (hopefully)

What??

Give take, give take and so on and so forth.

Ring any bells?

Who gives? Who takes?

Sunday in bed.

It's been a while, too long in fact since I came to this page.
So, here I am sitting in bed on a Sunday morning (3rd June) with a cup of black coffee on the bedside table to my left and my cat Pixie snuggled beside me on my right. I'm listening to Down to the Bone on youtube and can smell the lamb in the oven for lunch. I poured a bottle of apple and blackcurrant cider on it last night with sprigs of rosemary and some red onions. I have no idea how it's going to work but I'll let you know.
I'll maybe head to see family and friends East of the country tomorrow.
It's Jubilee weekend here in the U.K, 60 years on the throne for Queen Elizabeth and a great monarch she is (don't let anyone tell you otherwise) also Gay Pride weekend. All good stuff.
It's still raining, I hear it hit the window ( completely off the beat with Down to the Bone) and can only think back to the previous week when the weather was glorious and I was at work, but hey; that's English weather for you.
I really would like another cup of coffee and some toast, but then I would have to move, which in turn means leaving you stranded while I'm gone. Hmmm